The Super Ex-Boyfriend

By Drew-Shane Daniels

Well, I’ve been a super boyfriend. Well now, a super ex-boyfriend.

Yes, a super ex-boyfriend.

Do women not love the super ex-boyfriend?

We’ve always been so quick to defame and castrate our exes. We’ve even adopted the “an ex is an ex for a reason” mantra in our culture to smooth over the internal struggle going on between our hearts and our sanity. After a breakup, we all know it’s important to make sure to allocate plenty of space. So after the Facebook photos are untagged or deleted (your preference), sentimental items are returned, and your inbox is emptied of his name—you know you’re finally ready to move on. At least, so you think.

Many times I catch myself willingly doing things for my ex. Sucker, I am not; forthright, yes. Not because I want to get back together and ride up to our gingerbread castle in the sky, but because I still care. The irony of the super ex-boyfriend situation sometimes baffles me. You tell me you don’t want to be with me because you can’t trust me, however, you trust me enough to call me if you need a ride home after getting wasted at the club, or conveniently want to grab something for lunch since you’re in the area. The convenience is always there and super ex-boyfriend will be there to come to your rescue.

Believe it or not, guys can be genuine. Well, let’s say some. I know some guys who would quickly hit the ignore button if their ex’s name was to come across the caller id. However, every guy is not like that. Just because a guy is there does not mean he has sinister motives to attack, or that he only wants to creep over for a late night—which is never a bad thing. He might, in actuality, just want to be there. Just because the relationship is over doesn’t mean the concern stops.

Depending on the breakup and situation, because I can’t speak for all, it’s a normal feeling to miss your ex. Why not? You’ve invested a lot of time, sweat, tears, and vitality in this guy. This is the same person you would spend day in and weekend out with. In society we shine such a punitive light on couples who still remain friends after the breakup. Not all non-platonic relationships will last forever.

If the relationship was authentic, you’ll find yourself still wanting to do things for that person because you genuinely care—no matter how hard we try to run away from this heartfelt fact. Ladies, there is nothing wrong with communicating with your ex. It’s very, very hard to find people you can trust and open up to. Not saying your ex should be your “BFF” and y’all should send friendly text messages back and forth all day, but at least he can be someone you keep in your support system. If you choose to call on your ex from time to time, doesn’t make you feeble. The fact that you were in a relationship together means you both know a lot about each other. You should keep in touch with your ex because who knows what you may need from him one day other than love.

Beware, every ex you have does not warrant a neo-platonic relationship afterwards. Emotionally, this can be hard at first. How could I still trust him to be there for me? So after you go through all the motions of a breakup, from the lonely evenings alone and comforted by the tunes on your iPod, to the entertaining nights out with the girlfriends, you have to find time to listen to yourself—not your girlfriends. Being able to listen to your foolish heart comes in handy here, only you know if the possibility of a friendship will exist.